In an innovative move that revolutionizes customer service industry standards, the coffee giant officially implements strategy whereby staff do the ordering to make customers feel valued and pampered.

KUALA LUMPUR: Berjaya Corp has greenlighted a strategy long-championed by top executives to specialize the customer experience at Starbucks and take it to the next level.

“After years of a test run, we’ve decided to go ahead and make it an official part of Malaysia’s Starbucks experience,” a spokesperson for BFood explained via email. “We believe that consumers in Malaysia deserve the best treatment and we want to give that to them. We’re pushing boundaries until none exist.”

A statement on the Starbucks Malaysia website details the trailblazing concept:

Employees, or partners (in crime) as we call them, are expertly trained to gauge a customer’s preferences and tastes. They will skillfully determine what beverage, add ons, pastry, meal, and essential merchandise the customer requires at first glance, ensuring the entire visit will be a smooth and rewarding one. All you have to do is pay. It makes the entire process convenient for the consumer, but that’s exactly our goal: to guarantee that customers feel special and tended to by helping them relax and deciding what they want for them. It’s our gift to those who haven’t joined in on the Starbucks boycott.

Starbucks. We decide so you don’t have to.

Responses from Malaysian Starbucks consumers regarding the new concept are varied.

“It’s definitely unique,” Chris Lau said as he sipped his bespoke RM46 Venti Caffe Latte with soy milk, 6 extra espresso shots, hazelnut syrup, and caramel and chocolate drizzle out of his new RM176 mint stainless steel siren tumbler while casually eyeing his receipt. “And a nice gesture. I feel like I matter to this major brand with this personalized treatment and it’s nice.”

“I usually stick to the same drink, but I was surprised at how good the Venti Iced Burnt Caramel Latte is. I never would have tried it if the baristas hadn’t ordered it for me,” Joanne Yap said as she examined her new RM35 Large 25th Anniversary Transparent Gift Bag filled with the RM115 green slim hydration bottle, RM48 Willow Blend Blonde Roast coffee beans, RM10 Joybean mixed nuts and fruits bag, and RM23.58 pack of trio muffins. “It almost feels like Christmas. A Mr. Bean kind of Christmas.”

Baizura Halim praised the unnecessary need for communication adopted with the new concept. “I get anxiety a lot, so I like that I can just hand them my credit card and they take care of everything without a word,” she said, inserting her RM1 reusable straw into her RM41 Venti Green Tea Cream Frappucino with almond milk, 2 shots of espresso, upside down caramel drizzle, and 3 scoops of frappucino chips.

A visibly flustered Kiran Raj questioned baristas’ assessment methods of customers. “I mean…I was charged RM420 on a solo visit. I suppose it’s because I look wealthy. I should take it as a compliment, but it felt like I was being preyed upon.”

Amir Hussein was not impressed, saying, “I asked for a straw and they heard “extra shot.” I said again, “straw” and they nodded, charged me for three extra shots, a straw, and changed my requested tall size to a venti. I took a sip of the iced shaken lemon tea and gagged. Celaka betul.”

Starbucks Malaysia has routinely faced criticism for its sleazy, unethical policies, but those at the top dismiss flak from customers.

“These customers who complain about being charged for what they didn’t ask for, it’s a very negative way of looking at things. The fact is, our partners know what you want because you don’t. You should be showing them appreciation,” Rizal, a district manager in Ampang said.

When asked if there was a reason the pioneering new concept was being officially implemented at a time when Starbucks was reeling from monetary losses due to mass boycotts connected to the Israel-Palestine conflict, a senior executive at BFood replied, “This is in no way an attempt to recuperate losses from the boycott. Why would you even point that out? Didn’t we already explain why we’re doing it? Why question our motives? Don’t be rude.”

“The thing about companies today is that they’re no longer hiding their motives or what they are. So when consumers voice their objections to unethical treatment, these companies with poor business ethics respond with, “Oh, you don’t like that, huh? We’re going to keep doing it. We’re going to make you beg us for respectful treatment.”

Now nobody can avoid being involved with a passive-aggressive, psychotic abuser, because the passive-aggressive, psychotic abuser has become the accepted standard in the public arena, essentially normalizing demonic traits. Those traits are then instilled in the mentally and morally weak who readily spread the evil for their master,” Business Ethics expert Bill Shakesfears said. “No, I’m not being melodramatic.”

“If you walk into a Starbucks, you shouldn’t be complaining about us feeling entitled to your money,” Felicia, a barista at a store in Johor Bahru smirked. “Don’t be such a penny-pincher.”

Hafiz, a barista at a store in Petaling Jaya said, “I’m learning a lot of great skills at this company. The art of swindling and trickery is important to master in Malaysia. This country churns out frauds. So if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.”