Modern Life Is for Weaklings

This week has been a swell one, so when Friday rolled around I was feeling good and unimpeded by any obligations.

Plus the sun was out despite it still being cold, so I decided to spend the day immersing myself in society after my second class of the day. I was at Bed, Bath & Beyond for awhile just walking around because they have the best stuff.

This back scratcher for one.

I walked by and it amused me, the idea of somebody carrying this around in their purse or bag. Asians love this sort of thing, so there’s definitely a target market for it.

This one, I don’t know.

It's a great alternative I guess, to the possibility of accidentally choking yourself to death in your sleep with an earphone wire. I know I sometimes like to drift off to sleep listening to my favorite music on my iPod, because it's inconsiderate to impinge on others in the vicinity if you're the kind of person who likes to fall asleep to music or talk shows or the tv on in the background.

The concept of a pillow with a built-in speaker is odd to me. I can't decide if it's a useful invention, or if it's just another ridiculous product to appease an already over-coddled people that are reliant on instant gratification instead of exercising actual problem-solving skills to address an issue. Throwing money at a problem solves it, but has no real long-term benefit.

So I looked the product up on Amazon to see what customers had to say about it. But none of the reviews helped me decide, because it turns out that those who actually bought this product are halfwits. It's as though people have no idea how to make things work anymore because we have been conditioned to depend on gimmicky products thus producing a society of modern age weaklings.

If your boyfriend is an uncompromising child who refuses to turn the heavy metal music off while the two of you sleep, resulting in you having to move to the couch in the living room every night, maybe he’s a douche and it’s time to end the relationship.