I don’t go to coffee shops to make friends or find a potential boyfriend, but then I don’t do anything with those intentions in mind. There are people who do that, no doubt, like seniors who feel lonely in their old age and are looking for company, which is understandable. I enjoy my alone time, indoors or outdoors, so If I suddenly end up with a cafe bestie or date, it’s because I enabled it.

Most people know how to read social cues. In the context of flirting, it’s generally understood that a woman who avoids eye contact, has a closed-off demeanor, looks busy, is wearing earphones, isn’t looking around the room a lot, and seems overall unapproachable, isn’t looking to be hit on. Not because we hate men—not all women are unhinged militant feminists—but because there are other things of more importance to us at that moment.

And if you’re a guy and think a woman doesn’t understand that you’re trying to make a move—she understands. We’re equipped with special radar that picks up every subtle move you make. We know what you’re doing, even if you don’t realize how obvious you’re being behind us, in our peripheral, across the room. And, apparently, if you’re talking to a woman unnecessarily, you’re flirting. I didn’t make the rules.

I don’t know if the same applies to women. Sometimes you just want to have a good conversation about myriad topics with someone when you’ve been quiet for too long and pick up on serene vibes from a total stranger who’s also comfortably alone. You feel safe and on the same wavelength just by their presence in the vicinity. On top of that, they happen to be wearing a great T-shirt.

After making eye contact, I asked the man who’d been sitting directly across from me for about half an hour by then if he'd mind if I took a photo of his t-shirt. He immediately stood up and asked if he should sit or stand for the picture. My mindset at the time was, if I don’t jump at this rare opportunity to connect with this approachable person that intrigues me, which rarely happens, I know it’s gonna be a long-ass time before such a person walks into the familiar groove of my days and the chance comes again.

Turns out my instincts were right. Tony, visiting from Florida, and formerly a resident of New Orleans, is a writer and also a great listener and conversationalist. He ended up joining me at my table and allowed me to express my thoughts and views on different subjects, as messy as they were from getting entangled in my head for some time.

We bonded instantly and easily and had a five-hour conversation until the cafe closed at 11 o’clock.