Rise of the Narcissist
Part I

I'll be blunt, and a little hyperbolic: Defeating the narcissist is a responsibility to be undertaken for the good of mankind. I'm aware of how nonsensical that seems, impossible even, because we can't obliterate anything completely, and if we wanted to destroy all narcissists, then we'd have to destroy all of society.

But there is a special place in hell for the narcissist. They are, if not the devil itself, the closest thing to it.

Mosaic of Satan, Coppo di Marcovaldo (1225)

Those who urge victims, or potential victims of the narcissist to run and never look back encourage cowardly behavior in dealing with these demon-like beings, or anything else that could be considered universally bad. Of course, it seems logical that any sane person would run for the hills when they recognize something sinister in their midst, but is that really the reality of how human beings operate?

As evidence shows throughout human history, and research documented in The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil by social psychologist and Stanford University professor Philip Zimbardo, the answer is no. Not always.

Most people don't recognize evil when they see it, and if they do, tolerate it. They feed it, giving it more influence than the narcissist already has, allowing the narcissist to control and dominate and wreak more damage. And most people are drawn to self-designated powerful and influential individuals — good or bad. There's a psychology study on it that I can't find at the moment that explains how people who never shut the fuck up are considered more convincing and better leaders by others.

Showing more confidence = better leader (in the eyes of unquestioning sheep, anyway), even with zero credibility or intelligence.

I expand on this in Part Two, which I'll post in a few days.

No person is wholly good or bad, sure, and sometimes the better qualities help us to excuse the worst ones in the person we know. We start to accept them and then become complaisant. Even become blind to them.

Narcissists know that being charming and putting on a performance is their in to win favor with others. They know how to engage people with conversation, though much of it ends up being about themselves, unsurprisingly. If you thought being garrulous reflects badly on you, think again. Forget what any wise person throughout history ever said about silence, and listening. "Empty vessels make the most noise?" Not anymore. The age of social media is evidence to this fact.

As Susan Cain mentions, "We have known for centuries about the transcendent power of solitude. It's only recently that we've strangely begun to forget it."

The narcissist tends to target people with empathy, thus these types often find themselves on the receiving end of the narcissist's malicious tactics, as the narcissist knows they're less likely to challenge them, seeing them as "weak" or defenseless, especially after they embark on a campaign to discredit their unsuspecting victim.

Dominant types, or those who crave power and control anyway, determine the course of action and what to think, and their followers are more than happy to submit, and replicate the actions or thinking of their leader — which ties into the evolutionary function of collective identity. As part of their survival instincts, members of a group don't question the behavior of other members. They look the other way. Thus the emergence of collective narcissism. I'll give an example of this in my next post.

But what is a narcissist?

In a sentence, they are people who exhibit delusions of grandeur and are attention seekers of the highest order. In their minds, they've created an illusion of who they are, or rather, who they want others to perceive them to be — an idealized version of themselves. Essentially what is called the False Self.

While they can masterfully charm others with charisma and affability, their true, broken persona does inevitably reveal itself, because a mask is impossible to wear continuously. The narcissist thrives on the admiration of others, lacks empathy, exudes a profound sense of entitlement, and frequently demeans, harasses, manipulates, intimidates, exploits, and slanders others.

Regarded as a personality disorder by psychologists, it is a condition of which there is no cure.

Culturally, narcissistic behavior was rooted in individualism, that western ideology that dates back to ancient Greece. Psychologist Richard Nisbett studied the differences between Western and Asian cultures and found that traditionally, showing narcissistic traits was not tolerated in collectivist Asian cultures, where working together and consideration for others was paramount, while in Western cultures such traits were rewarded as part of the conditions for individuals to get ahead.

My first encounter with covert narcissists — these are a breed of narcissists who operate clandestinely, exercising control over others "with a sly twist," as described by Dr. Les Carter — had been in a previous life, while growing up in Southeast Asia, and I'd learned very quickly that I had an adverse reaction to their duplicitous tendencies.

At the time, I wasn't aware of NPD and how the narcissist functioned and refused to yield to their expectancy for constant veneration and submission — the cardinal sin to commit against a narcissist. Had I known that this was fuel for those who feed off of the emotions of others, my life would've probably turned out very differently. But my defiance only supplied them with the methodical ability to inflict an unrelenting stream of emotional abuse for years. The psychological torment was delivered so cleverly that nobody ever suspected any wickedness on their part.

The suffering that the narcissist orchestrates is without bounds. As a teenager, my self-worth had been completely obliterated by narcissists that I had on numerous occasions prepared for my own suicide, described in a poem I'd written at age fourteen, and selected for publication two years later in Chicken Soup edition. I was the scapegoat in any situation and began to believe that I was the problem. Which is exactly what narcissists intend.

The narcissist doesn't kill you — they push you to kill yourself. It is part of their power trip in dominating others. Asking for help was laughably pointless, as they are like poison. The charm of the False Self is utilized for a reason. It seeps into other people's minds — usually the gullible and equally toxic — and infects them. They turn everyone against you without you knowing, and you only realize untruths are being spread about you when the people in your life start to shun, humiliate and scorn you openly, very suddenly. This is called the smear campaign.

Attempting to challenge the narcissist is a whole different ballgame. When confronted, a particularly malignant one I'd grown up with would suddenly blink back tears and innocently ask, "What did I ever do to you?" What followed was gaslighting, in which the narcissist spins things and tries to make it seem like you're ruthlessly attacking them and the one who needs psychological help.

I finally escaped and spent most of my twenties in the US rebuilding every part of myself that had been broken by these spawns of Satan and their minions. There was nothing in Malaysia for me as I'd cut all ties with everyone, and wanted to be able to grow as a person.

Ironically, it's in modern American culture in which narcissism thrives, and where I began to learn more about this sickness of evil. I won't bother using the PC term, "disorder", because that's not really what it is, is it, if narcissism is entrenched in Western culture and ideology.

It was a culture shock like I'd never experienced, to recognize in so many westerners around me such horrific traits that were seen essential to succeed in life. "Do whatever it takes to achieve success and power," seems to be the mantra here. Combined with unbridled social media culture, where the self is meant to be exploited and worshipped, the young in particular are creating a new type of emptiness that eats away at the soul.

Sean Illing in the Vox article, How the West became a self-obsessed culture mentions:

"We’ve got a capitalist culture that’s built on this idea of competitive individualism, and it’s obviously produced a narcissism problem. The conventional view is that social media and smartphones are turning us into egomaniacs, but...these tools are just helping us indulge tendencies that were already there."

And more and more we hear of the real celebrities, those that had signed up to be exploited in the traditional way, within the cesspit called Hollywood, boldly exercising their narcissistic tendencies to get ahead. By climbing up the social ladder and attaching themselves to those more powerful than them — a common trait of narcissists — and playing the victim when the opportunity presents itself when they are the true abuser — they are mapping out their path toward success. Destroy the reputations of others in the process.

Elevate yourself at other people's expense.

Parents who shower their children with undeserving praise in efforts to build confidence or self-esteem, marketing campaigns trying to sell products and lifestyles that convince people they're "perfect as they are" and the droves of dating coaches on YouTube instructing women (and men) on how to put on an act to attract the opposite sex — all of this contributes to a culture of not needing to work hard at achieving your authentic self; just believe that idea you've been fed that you're special, that all that is "surface level" is most important, and know how to sell yourself.

The focus and veneration of outward appeal is embedded in most cultures nowadays — what is superficial, convenient and serves instant gratification is the guideline towards success, one set at a profoundly low bar, that is fast becoming the universal standard. That should run a chill down your spine unless, of course, you are part of the problem in advancing the ruination of the human race.

In Part Two, I look at some of the tactics used by the more virulent narcissists, the damage they are able and willing to commit, and give a lengthy example of a recent encounter I had with a covert narcissist at the neighborhood cafe I used to frequent.

Sources and further reading :

The Narcissistic Self

How the West became a self-obsessed culture

Narcissism: The science behind the rise of a modern 'epidemic'